he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
