She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
