I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
me + whiskey = a bad person
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
