There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
