She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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