I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
