I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
