Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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