can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
