what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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