Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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