i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
God, I missed his penis.
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