Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
