her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
