i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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