There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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