Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
