Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
