I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
