hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
