I puked a lego.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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