No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize