are you so shy because you have an std?
I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
