i think my mom watched the whole time
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
