ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm too high and old for this...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
