your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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