Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
