It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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