Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
