id be glad to
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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