Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
