I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
