My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
