I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
