Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
