so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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