Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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