Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
