It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Blow job season was short but glorious.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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