So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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