I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
