I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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