she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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