You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
