I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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