haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
