mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
