literally had 100 drinks last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
