fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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