My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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