The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
