Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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