I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
