I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
