You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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