ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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