nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
