I love black thongs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
