I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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