I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
