The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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