did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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