I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
