I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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