So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
