If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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