So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
