he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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