I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
