We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize