He disabled his match.com account in front of me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
