My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
