I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
