you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
