Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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