Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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