You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
