i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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