It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize