I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
smell my finger.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
