Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
